She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize