I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
