Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
