I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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