you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Randomize