at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
