I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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