LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize