i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
