Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
