At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
