You're a womanizer and a bitch.
That's intense
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
