Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
