I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
