Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
