: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize