Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
