i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
