there's paper in my vomit.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
