Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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