Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
