The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
