I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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