CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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