Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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