u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You need Xanax blowdarts
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
