I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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