those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
