Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
