My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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