he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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