It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
