bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
