no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
