***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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