i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
