The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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