singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
