she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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