Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
