maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
