shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
