We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
