don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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