So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
