There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
