well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
