Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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