I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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