I accidentally had phone sex last night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
