just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you will always have a special place in my vag
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
