i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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