There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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