I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
