and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
As shirtless as possible
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
