I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
