your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I cockslap morals
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
