U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
