it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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