You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
