she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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