Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
