You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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