I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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