The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
